Today
is Father’s Day: June 21, 2015. My Dad passed away a little over a week ago on
June 13th. From the title, you may believe I’m talking about this
Father’s Day. But, I’m not. Most children outlive their parents, so most face
those special days (holidays, birthdays or whatever) after death. The Father’s
Day that was stolen was in 2014.
I
went over to see Dad in the morning. I’m not sure if I brought him a gift or
not. He was so sick, there was really nothing I could do except be with him.
When I arrived, Dad was extremely anxious. He thought he was dying. I tried to
talk him down, but I couldn’t. Dad was jittery and out of sorts. He couldn’t
focus on anything but bad thoughts.
As
the day progressed, I found out Dad had been given Phenergan. Dad had been
given that in the past to help calm his nervous stomach. He reacted poorly to
it. It threw him out of whack. When I found out he had been given that, I was
concerned. I was forceful with the caretakers that visited and also went out to
the desk to make sure the situation was handled. His reaction to Phenergan
should have been on his chart and I was questioning why it wasn’t and demanding
that it was. According to Mom, I was angry about the situation. I don’t think I
lost my temper, but I was forceful.
Throughout
the process of Dad’s sickness, I saw how terrible our medical system could be.
I say the system, because many of the people are wonderful. I’ll go into more
detail about other situations in further posts, but the system adds unnecessary
stress and hardship to people who are elderly, sick or injured. The system
stole the last Father’s Day I had with Dad, because it missed an important
detail. I don’t want to dwell on it, but people need to understand these things
happen and it’s unnecessary.
Dad
did have many wonderful caretakers. To close this post, I’d like to share an
email I received from Kim Dalton, his nurse at Pebble Creek Nursing Home. She
helped bring joy to my Dad’s life. Right now mom can't look at the pictures of
Kim and Dad. Last night I showed her a picture of Kim and Dad and she burst
into tears. In this picture, Dad is with Kim and there is happiness on his
face. Mom will be able to look at it in the future, but right now it brings her
to tears. Mom and I talked to Kim
for about an hour on June 19th and I asked if she had anything she’d
like to share as I am putting together memoirs of dad. She sent me an email with three
pictures attached at 10:06 p.m. Here is Kim’s email:
Brett,
It was great talking to you and
Bonnie tonight. I shared with you many of my memories of your dad on the
phone, but what I didn't say is what I'd like to share for your memoirs.
I walked into Pebble Creek last
March as green as they get. I had been a nurse less than a month and I
truly had no idea what to expect. I learned many things such as how to
pass pills, how to insert a catheter, and most definitely how to efficiently
clean up poop. What I didn't expect was for my very first patient to
touch my life the way he did. As a nurse, I may have thousands of
patients. Some I will remember, some I won't, but from the moment I met
your dad, he had me wrapped around his little finger. I can't really say
it was one specific thing....I think it was just his presence. The way
his eyes lit up when your mom walked in the room amazed me. It gave me
hope that true love does exist. I cared for Marv when he was really at
his worst. He was in such pain, but always found a way to put a smile on
his face when I came in the room (even when I was there to scold him for
getting out of bed without help!). On my birthday, he was all smiles, all day. I
knew he had something up his sleeve. I was sitting at the nurse's
station and I heard him talking on the phone to your mom....he didn't know I
could hear him....but he said to her "Bonnie, don't forget to bring Kim's
birthday present!". Then a little while later, I heard him
again...."Bonnie....don't forget to bring Kim's birthday present when you
come". Then again later......"Bonnie....when are you coming up
here with Kim's birthday present??". I was just tickled pink that he
was so excited to surprise me. I cherish those two bracelets, two
necklaces, and two pair of earrings as though they are priceless gems.
Well, to me, they are. Marv made those with his own hands, and he thought
enough of ME to bestow them upon me. I know I'm rambling at this
point, but I wanted to let you know that Marv was so much more than my
patient. He stole a little piece of my heart (as did your whole
family). He confided in me about things and we had some very intense
heart-to-heart talks. He was a good man, a good husband, and a good
father. I consider myself priveleged to have cared for him and to be
welcomed into his family and his home. Attached are the picutres I took
the day he left Pebble Creek and one of the bracelets he gave me for my birthday
last year. I'll keep it forever and will always cherish my memories of
Marv.
Good night. Rest well my
friend.
Kim
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