So, you’re managing the staff. As you’re looking over the books you’re noticing a horrifying trend. Over the past year, almost your entire staff has turned over. All those well-trained, experienced people—GONE! You’re now dealing with a bunch of rookies. And, you’re pushing them for change. Guess what, you’re pushing newbies. Most have been there less than a year. A few have been there a few months. They’re not even proficient at the basics, but you want more. And, you’re going to face an upcoming revolving door—because you’re pushing the door.
So, let’s begin by looking at two superheroes—Batman and Superman. I’m going to use my own personal experience, because I’ve been Batman, I’ve been Superman, I’ve been to the Hall of Justice, and the computer has spit out the data on how things work.
Batman vs. Superman
It’s late fall 2013 and my Dad has just been diagnosed with stage IV cancer. He had surgery, radiation, spent some time in a rehab facility—well, you get the picture. It was a stressful time with a whirlwind of chaos swirling around us. In 2015 he passed away.
My Mom was Dad’s Batman. The way she took care of Dad was heroic. She even had a utility belt and could climb buildings in Gotham City. She was marvelously strong and bounced back quickly after Dad’s death. I admired Mom. She was a wonderful woman.
But, Mom wasn’t caring for Dad alone. Batman had Robin. I was Robin. I still have the tights and I look good in them! I drove the car, had my own utility belt, and the Gotham City of Cancer was one I faced with resolve. One of the reasons Mom fared so well was because she had a Robin. She even told me I was the reason she fared so well. So, I’m not just taking the Bat Cave Computer’s word for it.
In 2020 Covid hit. We all remember it. It was ugly. Mom was a fully independent, vibrant woman. My brother and I gave her help getting groceries and things, because we didn’t want her catching the Virus. We occasionally helped if she needed some muscle to move a heavy piece of furniture or something. But, other than that, she was still Batman—or Batwoman, because we all know women can be superheroes.
Then, Batwoman began to decline. She started to become forgetful. Health issues started to arise like rheumatoid arthritis and pulmonary fibrosis (a progressively worsening lung condition). She began a four-year decline and eventually passed away.
The last couple years of Mom’s life, I ended up being her Superman. Due to family dynamics, I ended up shouldering the burden of Mom’s care without much help. I had no Robin, so I had to be Superman. I didn’t fare as well as Mom. Right now I’m in the middle of a mental health meltdown. The stress of caring for Mom, and also having a job where I’m not getting the proper support (functioning often like Superman as opposed to Batman) became kryptonite and I hit a stress wall where I found it difficult to function.
Here’s the take home. Being Superman is impossible. If you’re functioning without the proper support, you’re handling more stress than you can bear long-term. And, what I’ve found out is that handling stress you can’t bear long-term can escalate speedily into stress you can’t handle short-term. It’s possible with having some Robins in your life to be Batman. It’s not possible to be Superman. But, if you’re in any kind of management position, you may be expecting people to be Superman and not even realize it. Then, all of a sudden, the stress they can’t manage long-term escalates into stress they can’t manage short-term and the door begins to revolve. It’s revolving because you’re pushing the door and you’re pushing your people too hard. So, what are the warning signs?
How are people moving?
Use that X-ray vision to watch people. How are they moving? What is their walk? How do they function? The body often tells the story before someone realizes the stress level. There are some tell-tales that will tell the tale!
Dragging ass. I know I’m being a little blunt with language, but we’ve all seen “dragging ass”. The person is walking like air has become mud. Their posture is defeated. They are dragging their carcass around without any joy. They are dealing with stress they can’t manage!
Bull in a China closet. We’ve also seen this—someone that is moving too quickly and carelessly. They may be bumping into things. Their motor is turned way too high and they are plowing through life like it’s a brick wall that needs demolished. They are overstimulated and are dealing with stress they can’t manage!
Twitches and glitches. When someone is popping, twitching, and glitching, they may be driving you crazy. I found myself at religious services on Saturday and my leg just kept bouncing. For different people, it may be different things—that pen that can’t stop clicking, that eyelid that keeps twitching, or maybe just the opposite—normal activities like using a key or opening a door becomes sluggish and hard to process. You may notice someone is dropping things, becoming stumbling and bumbling, or just can’t seem to manage ordinary tasks. These micro-signs indicate they are dealing with stress they can’t manage!
You need to become a detective and watch people. With some people it’s easy to see they are stressed. It’s written all over them that they are about to explode. Some people it's extremely subtle and it’s only evident in the small print.
How are they talking?
The voice often tells much about a person’s emotional state. But, it’s not always immediately apparent. The tone of voice can be a clue. But, you have to listen carefully. And, you have to have a work environment that has enough positivity that you’ve seen people at their best, because things become more apparent when you can contrast their happy-self with their stressed self. I’ve noticed several people at work that I’ve heard changes in their voice. My eyes and ears are telling me a storm is brewing, because several people are dealing with stress they aren’t able to manage.
Pitch and harshness. A stressed voice can take on a harshness. At times, this can be a bit of a growl. And times it’s a harsh tone. At times, it’s a change in a person’s normal pitch of voice. For some it’s subtle, so you have to listen carefully.
Softness and whine. For some, it’s just the opposite. The voice becomes softer. But, underneath the softness a whininess can be heard. Again, this may be subtle.
Volume and vibe. For some, it’s a change in volume. They become a drill sergeant. They are barking at people. Or, they become soft spoken and are giving off a begging vibe. All these various changes in voice can indicate someone is dealing with more stress then they are able to manage. Superman’s voice is different from Batman’s and you need to start paying attention to the difference.
What does their face say?
So much of our emotional state is tied to our face. Realize, some people are better than others at regulating their facial expressions. So, some show stress like a blinking neon sign. With others it’s just vapors and a whisper.
The haggard eyes. Look at someone’s eyes and just listen to your gut. While our brains often override our intuition, you’re going to have to listen to your intuitive little buddy on this one. If your gut is saying their eyes look haggard, tired, or downtrodden, they are handling too much stress. Something is pushing them too hard and if that something doesn’t let up, they are headed for a breakdown. And, if you’re in management, it may be you or the demands of the job pushing them over the edge.
Now, I know what some manager may be thinking at this point. If they can’t handle the demands of the job, they shouldn’t be working for me. Okay, poke me in the eye with that thought, but I’m going to poke back. If your place of employment is primarily composed of people that have been there since aging ex-presidents were in office, you may have a point. Sometimes someone comes in and they just aren’t a good fit. They need to move on. You need to move on. But, if your current crew is mostly composed of people that have only been there a few years or less, guess what—there are major problems pushing on the rotating carousel your front door has become. And, the problem may be you. It might be something else, but don’t start pointing fingers until you’ve made some honest reflection.
Pursing or drooping lips. Some of you may have seen the movie, The Devil Wears Prada. There’s a scene where Miranda Priestly shows her disdain by pursing her lips. You can often see tension in the lips. When Mom was declining with dementia, I noticed a change in her lips. Her lips would droop. Watch someone’s lips. If they become tense, they are stressed. If they become droppy or sloppy, problems are brewing.
How are they talking?
I spent many years teaching college speech classes. So, I know how people talk. It may be one reason I notice all the various things people do with body language, the eyes, the mouth, and the use of language. I spent decades evaluating these things and developed an eye for it. When people are speaking in public, they are often tense and this shows up in the way they use language.
Pacing. Listen to the rate of speech. Is it too fast? That means they’re nervous. Is it too slow? That means the brain is having a hard time processing things fast enough. Some of these things I can notice even in a stranger, because of years of experience noticing these small clues. But, you may not be that astute. I’m not blaming you if you’re not. You haven’t spent decades evaluating body language and speech. This is why you need to create a generally positive, fulfilling work environment. You need to see people at their best, happiest self. That will give you a point of reference.
Stutters and vocalized pauses. Ah, yes, the dreaded ahs, ums, likes, and you-knows. Some people naturally stutter a little. They aren’t a fluid talker. And, some are smooth as silk. So, there is a lot of variation here, but there are two things to watch for. The first is a change from someone’s happy baseline. The second is the overall trend in the workplace. If people are stuttering and less fluid than what is average for people outside your doors, it’s a clue you may have something to worry about.
Forceful, blunt, and direct language. When I’m stressed, I express things in less tactful ways. My speech is more forceful and blunt. Again, this has to be compared to my baseline. I’m normally a mild-mannered, easy-going guy. So, it shouldn’t be difficult to notice when I’m stressed. My baseline and stressed state are radically different. For some people, there are only subtle differences between these two states. How do most of your people talk? If you’re noticing the trend is blunt, there’s likely problems brewing. If it’s bordering at points of being rude, you have some monstrous issues about to bust out your closets!
Soft spoken and apologetic. When some people are stressed, they become the opposite of me. They become more soft spoken and may even be apologetic. You may notice they phrase things in a wimpy, soft, or unassertive manner. Underneath that soft, silken exterior is a nuclear bomb about to go off. Some managers like people that acquiesce. Guess what? You may think everything is fine, but people that care push back. Change agents are disruptive—not mean, not bitter, but at times can be quite challenging. The best people have a spine. If you’re not seeing people with a spine, there is poison brewing in the stew. It’s possible you just hired a bunch of yes-men. If that’s the case, you’re likely surrounded by nuclear bombs wrapped in silk.
It’s also possible you’ve beat the will out of people. Sometimes good people do that unintentionally. Have you ever uttered the phrase, “We can’t do that!” As soon as your lips utter that toxic phrase, you’ve become an abysmal manager. Someone has come to you with a problem. They are offering a solution to the problem. Possibly there are legitimate reasons their solutions can’t be implemented. But, as soon as your razor lips utter that devastating phrase, “We can’t do that!”, you’ve closed the dialogue. And, you may have shut down future dialogue. When a person wants a solution and has enough gumption to offer a solution, that’s the time to open up the dialogue! That’s the time to praise that person. That’s the time (even if it’s not possible to implement their solution) to recognize the merits of their solution (even if you have to put their solution under the microscope to find a shred of positivity). Don’t shut down someone that wants to help!
Closing thoughts
If you’re a manager, I’m not asking you to be a CIA operative, but open your eyes and ears. Look. Listen. Take in all the subtle clues around you. Are you surrounded by a bunch of Supermen and Superwomen? If so, you’re in big trouble. Your people are functioning at a stress level they can’t manage long-term. And, that stress can quickly become a load they can’t manage short-term and you have a walk out, someone explodes on someone, or an accident happens. People can’t function as Superman and they will send off clues (some subtle, some easy to see) if you watch and listen.
Are you surrounded by Batmen and Batwomen? This is great, but this is a temporary condition. People only function as Batman if Robin stays vigilant. And, management is Robin. Management can also bring other Robins along—training, stress management, and utility-belt resources. There’s a fine line between Batman and Superman. If you’re in management you’re walking that line.
