As a teacher for many decades and someone that’s been around the block, I’m somewhat of a student of human nature. If you need to work with, live, or communicate with others, you have to understand what makes people tick. So, let me share some basics of human behavior.
Repeat, Repeat, and Repeat Again
Repetition is a key principle to teaching. People don’t absorb things the first time they hear them. If you want to get a message through, you often have to express it several times—and in several different ways. As a former college instructor, I can tell you that students don’t read the syllabus. The information is there, but unless you find ways to put it in front of people and make them pay attention to it, your message won’t get across.
People Hear What They Want
People often don’t hear what you say. They often hear what they want to hear. Much of this is due to the bifurcated nature of American society. We’re conditioned to either drink Coke or Pepsi, drive a Chevy or a Ford, or vote for a Republican or Democrat. So, people often live in an echo chamber that reinforces their own values, beliefs, and preferences. When confronted with an opposing viewpoint, people don’t listen. Oh, they’ll listen to a point—and, that point is until they recognize an opposing viewpoint. Then, the ears are off and they begin to formulate their response, which is often more just a repetition of talking points bouncing off the walls of their echo chamber than a fully reasoned response. Instead of hearing the other party out, they want to argue—and, the arguing begins in their mind even before they fully understand what the other party has to say.
Hearing what one wants to hear is particularly true of those who vehemently hold to political viewpoints. They often believe more in the marketing of their chosen party or candidate than what that person does—or, the true impact of their policies.
People are Driven by Emotions
Most people believe they are logical. And, most aren’t. They pick a certain brand of cookie, because it brings up memories of their childhood—even if that particularly cookie is a conglomerate of trans fat, chemicals, and artificial sweeteners. They’ll pick a vehicle that makes them feel safe—even if that vehicle has a well known safety flaw that can cause issues. They’ll pick a political candidates that feels friendly and reminds them of a relative—even if that candidate is pushing policies that directly harms them.
So, why do most people think they are logical? Well, they do use their logic for one primary purpose.
People Use Logic to Justify Their Emotional Wants
People will find a logical way to justify what their heart wants. Now, that logic may be riddled with illogical assumptions, falsehoods, and half-truths; but, and this is important to understand, the logic seems perfectly logical to them. And, they’ll instinctively gravitate towards things that reinforce their logic even if it’s not logical.
Ever wonder why you can’t have a real discussion with people on issues involving politics, religion, or deep seated beliefs? They’re not listening—particularly if you appeal to logic, even if your logic is impeccable. So, how do you convince them? You need to connect to them on an emotional level. As they open up to you, you can share opposing viewpoints. But, this must be done in small doses. You only share until they start to resist (and begin using their logic to justify their emotions). Once you hit that wall, just back off and table things until they are again open to another small dose. Don’t think one argument will pivot them 180 like a Top Gun pilot doing a high speed maneuver. People change their opinions in long arcs—more like a huge ocean liner being turned by a small rudder. This is particularly true for people in cults; or, people who hold cult-like loyalty to something. But, why is that?
People Would Rather Believe a Lie Than Admit They Were Duped
As ridiculous as that statement sounds, it’s true. It’s particularly true of people that tend to view things in terms of black and white. When someone cannot see things in terms of grey, then their viewpoints become the gospel and opposing viewpoints are the enemy. This can quickly develop into a bunker mentality—particularly to people who are somehow vulnerable (under economic hardship, in bad relationships, or under a great deal of stress). Under stress, people become less logical and more driven by their emotions. This leads them to grasping for hope—and, not thinking through if that hope is true or not.
Conclusions
This is just a short article on some truths of human nature. You may think I’m being judgmental and condescending, but truth be told, I’ve seen these characteristics in myself from time to time. If we’re honest, we’re less logical than we claim to be. We don’t listen to others as we should. We want to defend ourselves and our fragile egos more than show understanding to others. It’s the human condition.
