It was the best of speeches. It was the worst of speeches. That is how I feel about a speech I gave last night. Most of the people enjoyed my speech. I received quite a bit of feedback, some from a friend who is willing to tell me the truth. So, what went right and what went wrong?
My delivery was strong. I was animated and my friend mentioned my eyes were “piercing”. There were some points of strong humor in the speech. I also had some vivid description both in wording and how I used body language to portray a story.
The weak point was I didn’t make a genuine connection with the audience. The speech was too rote. It simply lacked the dynamic of someone dropping their guard and having a heart-to-heart with the audience. It was a good speech, but not a great one.
So, why was it lacking? Much of it was due to me approaching things with faulty assumptions. I’ve spent about ten years teaching college. A group of college freshmen is one of the toughest audiences I’ve ever dealt with. In some ways they are even tougher than addressing a bunch of strangers at a comedy club. At least at the comedy club, the audience is there to have fun. A college student often enters the class reluctant to listen. While a minority may love the topic at hand, it is often a battle to gain consistent enthusiasm. For many my class is simply a line on a checklist of classes needed to obtain the degree.
I have seen students’ attitudes change tremendously over the course of a semester. Some students have entered reluctantly and left loving my class. The problem is that constantly motivating others is tiring. I used to enter the classroom with the assumption that it was my responsibility to energize the class. After nearly having a nervous breakdown, I realized the fault in that assumption. In terms of motivation, I had to allow students to meet me halfway. I know in some cases that means I’m a less energizing presence in the classroom. But, I also know that a true give-and-take is more conducive to real learning. My assumptions were directly impacting my teaching and even my sanity.
In many cases we are basing things on assumptions without even realizing it. But, if we look inward and are honest about how we approach an audience, we can uncover what is truly guiding our speaking.
So, what assumptions were guiding my presentation last night? I think a part of me was approaching the audience like they were students—expecting a degree of reluctance and expecting that the success of “the show” was dependent on me. I wasn’t thinking in terms of the audience meeting me halfway. Instead of forming a two-way relationship with the audience, I was an actor on a stage. Sure, I may have been a good actor with piercing eyes, but I didn’t reach that highest level of being real, genuine and fostering a heart-to-heart with my audience.
A second assumption was that I needed to be perfect. I had carefully prepared what I was going to say, even memorizing much of the speech. I’m not sure my audience was aware I was reading a script, but the script in my head was a barrier to me dropping my guard. There is an assumption in my mind that I need to be in control. Intellectually, I know control is an illusion. You cannot control an audience. You can put yourself out there and the audience can give you control, but they can take it back at any moment. My own desire of wanting the big laugh, the perfect line and the poignant description became a barrier to just meeting my audience at a person-to-person level.
At a deeper level, a need to be perfect and “in control” is grounded on a fear of failure. I want the audience to embrace me. I want the applause, the laughter and the accolades of being the greatest speaker they’ve ever heard. In order for me to reach the next level, I’m going to need to deal with my own ego. This is the interesting thing about public speaking. While it is a communal event, for the speaker it requires one turning inward if they want to reach the highest level. A good deal of it might have to do with loving myself more than the audience. Once I love my audience more, will fear all of a sudden drop away? Is my biggest issue not dealing with mechanics, organization or any mastery of skills? Is my biggest issue really dealing with a mastery of myself and overcoming my own assumptions of self-importance? Ouch! Maybe I shouldn’t have written this blog!
