Sunday, June 21, 2015

Father's Day was Stolen

            Today is Father’s Day: June 21, 2015. My Dad passed away a little over a week ago on June 13th. From the title, you may believe I’m talking about this Father’s Day. But, I’m not. Most children outlive their parents, so most face those special days (holidays, birthdays or whatever) after death. The Father’s Day that was stolen was in 2014.
            I went over to see Dad in the morning. I’m not sure if I brought him a gift or not. He was so sick, there was really nothing I could do except be with him. When I arrived, Dad was extremely anxious. He thought he was dying. I tried to talk him down, but I couldn’t. Dad was jittery and out of sorts. He couldn’t focus on anything but bad thoughts.
            As the day progressed, I found out Dad had been given Phenergan. Dad had been given that in the past to help calm his nervous stomach. He reacted poorly to it. It threw him out of whack. When I found out he had been given that, I was concerned. I was forceful with the caretakers that visited and also went out to the desk to make sure the situation was handled. His reaction to Phenergan should have been on his chart and I was questioning why it wasn’t and demanding that it was. According to Mom, I was angry about the situation. I don’t think I lost my temper, but I was forceful.
            Throughout the process of Dad’s sickness, I saw how terrible our medical system could be. I say the system, because many of the people are wonderful. I’ll go into more detail about other situations in further posts, but the system adds unnecessary stress and hardship to people who are elderly, sick or injured. The system stole the last Father’s Day I had with Dad, because it missed an important detail. I don’t want to dwell on it, but people need to understand these things happen and it’s unnecessary.
            Dad did have many wonderful caretakers. To close this post, I’d like to share an email I received from Kim Dalton, his nurse at Pebble Creek Nursing Home. She helped bring joy to my Dad’s life. Right now mom can't look at the pictures of Kim and Dad. Last night I showed her a picture of Kim and Dad and she burst into tears. In this picture, Dad is with Kim and there is happiness on his face. Mom will be able to look at it in the future, but right now it brings her to tears.  Mom and I talked to Kim for about an hour on June 19th and I asked if she had anything she’d like to share as I am putting together memoirs of dad. She sent me an email with three pictures attached at 10:06 p.m. Here is Kim’s email:

Brett,

It was great talking to you and Bonnie tonight.  I shared with you many of my memories of your dad on the phone, but what I didn't say is what I'd like to share for your memoirs. 

I walked into Pebble Creek last March as green as they get.  I had been a nurse less than a month and I truly had no idea what to expect.  I learned many things such as how to pass pills, how to insert a catheter, and most definitely how to efficiently clean up poop.  What I didn't expect was for my very first patient to touch my life the way he did.  As a nurse, I may have thousands of patients.  Some I will remember, some I won't, but from the moment I met your dad, he had me wrapped around his little finger.  I can't really say it was one specific thing....I think it was just his presence.  The way his eyes lit up when your mom walked in the room amazed me.  It gave me hope that true love does exist.  I cared for Marv when he was really at his worst.  He was in such pain, but always found a way to put a smile on his face when I came in the room (even when I was there to scold him for getting out of bed without help!). On my birthday, he was all smiles, all day. I knew he had something up his sleeve.   I was sitting at the nurse's station and I heard him talking on the phone to your mom....he didn't know I could hear him....but he said to her "Bonnie, don't forget to bring Kim's birthday present!".  Then a little while later, I heard him again...."Bonnie....don't forget to bring Kim's birthday present when you come".  Then again later......"Bonnie....when are you coming up here with Kim's birthday present??".  I was just tickled pink that he was so excited to surprise me.  I cherish those two bracelets, two necklaces, and two pair of earrings as though they are priceless gems.  Well, to me, they are.  Marv made those with his own hands, and he thought enough of ME to bestow them upon me.   I know I'm rambling at this point, but I wanted to let you know that Marv was so much more than my patient.  He stole a little piece of my heart (as did your whole family).  He confided in me about things and we had some very intense heart-to-heart talks.  He was a good man, a good husband, and a good father.  I consider myself priveleged to have cared for him and to be welcomed into his family and his home.  Attached are the picutres I took the day he left Pebble Creek and one of the bracelets he gave me for my birthday last year.  I'll keep it forever and will always cherish my memories of Marv.  

Good night.  Rest well my friend.

Kim




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